Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Pulse Check

I'm still alive...

It's invigorating to be able to feel it. The rush of life surging through my blood stream. And to say it out loud is just a reaffirmation that my body can and will obey my commands. 

I'm always in control. So I think, so I act. But for some time now, I've been slipping up- I believed I was in control when in fact I really was in control of so little. The few unimportant things I was still in control of, I took advantage of, just to exert that power and try to improve my own self-worth and value. 
But I'm bringing myself back to the steering wheel now. I'm going to re-assume control of my life and I'm going to take in the direction I feel like, because I feel like it.

My shrink would love me if he knew what I was doing.

It took me 10 months to comprehend, absorb and correctly act upon his words of wisdom, but it's always better late than never.

I'm living life and I'll be flexing left, right, backwards and frontwards, just to discover what that means. I lived so long waiting for life to happen to me; Waiting for "Parisian adventures", "inspiration" and other exciting prospects to come knocking on my door. And then one day, I caught a disease. A disease I should have allowed myself to catch years ago- I've fallen with a severe case of impulsivity. After years in the planned, structured and constructed closet, I'm stepping out and I'll be banging down the doors of opportunity myself. I won't wait any longer for "destiny" and "fate" to take their chances on me. I'll take a chance on myself.

Nothing comes to those who wait. Things come to those who work consistently and patiently and who take risks without denying their fears but confronting them along the way.

1 comment:

  1. I felt happy reading this. You are absolutely right. I hope it worked out for you. Update!