On the 20th of June

I sat in my office next to my window. The wind blew, and the hot air outside seemed to penetrate my insides although I sat completely protected. The tree leaves rustled.

I sat on this chair in the midst of my scattered papers. I listened to this song and realised...
I truly am in love with love.

For the first time in a very long time, my heart is stuck in my throat.
Oh have I missed you...

Today's Lesson: Content and Satisfaction 101

Beauty

Today I learnt that:

1. Things will resolve themselves if I let them.
   
   
2. I need to breathe. I should take a moment to do that, there's isn't anything wrong with it.
   
   
3. It's okay to ask for help. Most probably it will  help, even if it explicity doesn't, it'll help me know what doesn't help.
   
   
4. Motivation comes from the outside as much as it does from the inside. When I allow myself to be motivated, others will be willing to motivate me too.
   
   
5. I shouldn't be so anxious to leave. The more I want to leave the more I'll be devastatingly stuck."Let it be", enjoy your time and the time will come to pack up and go.
   
   
6. Happiness loves company too.
   
   
7. There isn't anything better than wanting to share with a loved one. Even if I can't reach them. At least I know they exist.
   
   
8. Brilliant ideas come when I least expect them. Like when I've been working for 10 hours straight and can't see infront of me.
   
   
9. When the hot water goes out, I should realise that this is the cue to leave. But only after the cleansing, wakening, clarifying, freezing water touches my skin.
   
   
10. Beauty will always be in the eye of the beholder. Even if that beholder isn't me.

The Tahrir Square Siege

Those up to date with Egyptian news would probably know that during this past week there have been intensified tides of protests and marches by Europeans, Americans and a few Egyptians/Arabs washing over the country. The point of their protests? The "Egyptian-Isreali" Gaza siege.

Personally, I only found out about this entire "current event" when I myself witnessed the "event" itself "currently" taking place across the street.

It was a regular work day. And by "regular" I mean frustrating, seeing that the typical tasks I've been assigned recently mostly entail trips to governmental institutions all over Cairo, in order to request data and official papers.  Anyone, anyone, who knows Cairo the least bit would know that this entails the following: ugly traffic, ugly bureaucracy and ugly sizzling weather in the middle of December.

That day (31.12.2009), it seemed like the world was making me pay for the kindness it had been offering recently- traffic was a living nightmare and it took me about 45 minutes to move 100 meters downtown. As imaginable, by the time I got to the next traffic light I was practically banging my head against the steering wheel. But then something caught my eye and I had to stop doing that. No, it wasn't the staring guy   in the next car; it was more of what was going on on the sidewalk next to his car.

They finally revealed themselves to me. The reason behind my misery. The people who unknowingly almost entirely ruined my day. The protesters and the security forces tightly surrounding them.

It took me a couple of seconds to realise what was going on. After it sunk in, I immediately thought three things:

1. 
   
   "I'd like to murder every single person behind my getting stuck an hour and half in one block"
   
   
   
2. 
   
   "This is emotional"
   
   
   
3. 
   
   "I should take a picture"
   
   
   

The first thought disappeared about a second later, as a consequence to the second thought that actually brought tears to my eyes.

Personally, and in all honesty, my interest in the Palestinian issue is limited and relatively irrelevant. The issue has so many sides to it, is so protracted, and depressing to think about to the extent I actually trained my mind to not care about it that much. I do have opinions though on the Egyptian position and policies concerning the Gaza situation though, and they can be summed up in that I am totally with the government on its decisions to build the wall across the border and to block the borders last January (issues of sovereignty, territorial integrity, weapons smuggling and Israeli ploys are only some of the points I would bring up. However this is neither the place nor the time).

But you see what got to me right then and there, when I saw what I saw, was not the topic they cared about, it was the fact that they cared about something to begin with. That they cared so much they organized themselves, booked those plane tickets, flew all the way to Cairo and stood in the face of security forces with genial faces and determination in their hearts.

Now that is humane. That hones my faith and belief in humanity. It tells me that even though so many act like robots a big part of the time, human feelings, emotions and collective care do exist. That brought tears to my eyes.

As for that third though, I acted on it immediately. I fetched out my phone from my bag when I realised I do not have my camera on me, operated the camera application on it and started zooming in for the picture.

As I snapped it, a man in civil clothes yelled from across the street. I didn't bother at that moment and I didn't even begin to consider he might be yelling at me. I was two lanes away! Turns out I was the target of the loud words he produced, and when he noticed I wasn't even going to look at him, he decided to make his way through the sea of traffic and reach my car. He forced his head into my window and started talking.

""يا انسة، ممنوع التصوير"          

"ليه يعني؟"                             
"هو كدة، ممنوع التصوير. ممكن يأخذوا التليفون منك"   

"أيوة بردو ليه؟"                      

"هو كدة، دي التعليمات"           

"تعليمات مين؟"                       
"تعليمات مدير الأمن"              

"هو فين ده؟"                          

"بقولك ايه، اخلصي أحسن..."      

"خلاص خلاص متزعلش نفسك" 

And I took off.

Yes, I was totally playing dumb. I did know the dude was an informant, but I just wanted to see where this could go. My mom, on the other hand, thought it was the stupidest thing I could've ever done and almost forbade me from going out ever again. They say things could get ugly. They say in situations like those, things could get out of hand. They say those people wouldn't care what I look like, who I am nor where I'm from.

 

I don't know about that, they seemed rather tame to me.

The picture that created a "security" issue

Part-Timing My A**

I have no idea why I'm in this office right now. No seriously... no clue! I also have no idea why in heaven and hell I volunteered to come in the office today... what an idiot.

I'm supposed to be a part-timer. I'm supposed to work 3 days a week. Felxibility is good, stupidity is bad.
But I always try to get some sort of kick out of it anyways. So..ahem.. right now, in stead of working on an introduction to the hugest presentation I had ever seen in my life and in stead of working data on (yet another) excel sheet, I decided to watch Glee! My new absolute favorite show.

Glee!

Into good music, highschool retards, outrageous slushie-smacking and a whole load of perfectly delivered lines by an ex-army-hitperson-horse steroids-consuming cheerleading coach? Watch it! Just let me say that this show isn't for everyone, this kind of show isn't in the grey area at all either; you'll either love it, or you'll hate it.
You have been warned.

To Learn and To Label: Venturing Into Delta

Almost a month ago, I -finally- found a project-based job that I consider to be appropriate for someone aspiring to be a respectful economist; I'm now part of a team working on a development plan for one of Egypt's new yet run-down cities (to me it isn't just a worthy job, it's one I could've killed for, for many many reasons; working with a multinational highest-ranked consultancy firm being one).

In addition to some economic research, analysis and reviews of 442 638 pages of strategic development reports, this new job requires that I sometimes make short one-day business trips outside of Cairo, usually to Delta region cities, seeing as it is the main region we're concerned with.

Delta Fields (pictures I took)

Now, as an upper-middle class young woman who was raised in Cairo and has only ever been to the beaches and tourisitic cities outside of Cairo, having to make business trips to cities like those in the Delta was a huge step outside of a certain bubble I grew up in... not to mention of course an enormous step outside my comfort zone.

First time they asked me to go? Almost cried trying to find an excuse to get out of it. I didn't want to travel 2 hours by car to some rural, run down city and I definitely did not want to go meet a bunch of old Eyptian bureaucrats who'd most probably regard me with disdain seeing as I'm a woman with no scarf on her head covering her hair.

End result? I found no excuses. I ended up going. I also ended up enjoying the experience, the exposure, the ride, the company and the lunch we had on the way back.

The second time I was asked, it was a different situation and a different city and it was by far more intense than the first. This city is one of the biggest cities in the Delta with almost 200,000 inhabitants and being the capital of the governorate.

I called every single sane person I know trying to find only one who would tell me not to go and not to waste my breath even considering it.

...

I ended up going after all; my curiosity peaked one hour before we were supposed to move out and as usual it had to be satisfied. So again it turned out that I enjoyed the experience, the exposure, the lessons learnt, the ride, the company and the lunch on the way back even more than the first time, even though admittedly this time I sensed a certain odd vibe from officials and people on the streets.

A gas pump on the side walk... right next to a qahwa!

(Our French co-worker made fun of me for acting like a tourist and taking this pic)

 The whole city is one big informal settlement

Last time they announced an upcoming trip to that city? I was all for it. I wanted to go. I needed to go. I knew I would learn more if I go, I knew I would have a chance to discuss things about my work there and I knew that I could have had a lot to offer in the discussions and findings because I know I worked hard preparing for it.

End result? I never went.

This specific business trip included -among other more important meetings and discussions with officials- piloting a quantitative survey. In plain English, we would've had to walk around the city and ask random people specific questions that we need answers to.

What happened? Well...I got a phone call the night before:

"I don't think you should come along with us this time, even though we really need you there"

Why?

"Because we'll be out on the street, and it wouldn't be safe for you"

Because I'm a girl?

"Yes, and not what people there are used to typically seeing"

Typically?

"You see... your hair isn't covered and you significantly look like you're from out of town...and that might attract unwanted attention."

Unwanted attention. Interesting what young female Egyptian aspiring economists can be labeled as sometimes.

** Links are from wikipedia (which is shameful) but no other website has any info on any of those places!